In a shooting rampage, 22-year-old Jared Loughner killed 6 people and wounded Representative Gabrielle Giffords. These tragic events in Tucson, Arizona have raised yet another alarm about violence in America and scrutiny about some causes of such horrid acts against innocent citizens. This incident has raised horror once again at the prominence and impact of violence in our country.
The violence trigger: what sets it off?
As I watched our local news today, I saw a story about a man who was angry that his car had been encircled by snow due to plowing. The man, intensely angry, found someone nearby who was using a snowblower and asked the individual who had plowed in his vehicle. The individual stated that he didn’t know.
Then, the man pulled out a gun, put the gun to the individual’s cheek and told him that he had better plow out his car or he would kill him. The very frightened operator promised to clear out the car immediately; so, the gunman went into his apartment to wait.
Later, the police were called and the gunman was arrested and held at $500,000 bond.
The penalty for this type of offense can be very harsh. Why would the man whose car had been plowed in openly threaten the snowblower operator with a loaded weapon and intent to kill?
Lakeside developed training on anger and violence prevention
Our society is rife with all kinds of eruptions and angry events.
In the department store, in the grocery story, at our place of employment, in schools, in sports arenas, on athletic teams, and yes, even in our homes, we see outbursts of anger everyday. Anger is often learned in our homes, schools or neighborhoods.
Though the permission to be angry to the point of violence should never be granted; sadly, it happens. Anger frequently leads to violence in homes and families.
At Lakeside, we were asked to develop training for understanding anger as a way to prevent violence. In developing the course, the research on the cause and process of anger revealed amazing phenomena. Thus, we know that understanding the all-encompassing way anger occurs in our brains and bodies is very helpful to finding ways to prevent it from escalating to a a point where we become out of control and possibly violent.
Why Lakeside?
We at Lakeside are in a place where we see the impact of violence in many of our students’ lives. Too often, the most significant single factor in why they were referred to one of our programs is the inability to control their anger, and since anger is a precursor to violence, it is dangerous for this pattern to continue.
In my next few posts, I will be discussing some of the important research regarding anger, its causes, its processes and its impact. It will be my attempt to raise awareness, increase understanding and provide ways that we can help prevent the escalation of anger.
It is my hope that in doing so, I will help many of you to have some new tools to help those around you who have problems with anger better manage it and to prevent violence that causes tragedies like we recently witnessed in Tucson, Arizona.
Tune in and learn all you can. Equip yourself to help prevent anger and violence, two of the most important issues in our country today.
Gerry Vassar, President and CEO, Lakeside Educational Network
Renita Barken says
I am looking for a anger management class.
Gerry Vassar says
Thank you for your interest and recent comment to our blog post on Managing your anger. We appreciate your question. There are many agencies and institutions that provide anger management services and skills. We suggest you find out about several, learn about their methods and how they are administrated and base your decision on what feels right for your needs.
el cano says
i need HELP URGENTLY SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME! im a family man 43, with a wife 45, & 2 sons & 2 daughters all in their early 20’s and one 15, lately ive been very angry actually its been a couple of years now, its getting worse i am very afraid of myself because when i get angry i curse at my kids & wife an they do not deserve that no one does! i am torn up inside because they probably think i dont love them, the truth is they are my whole world’ and im tired of hurting them to a point were i will take my own life eventually… im scared ( I BEG ANYBODY TO HELP ME ! i also suffer from depression & i used lots of steroids as a teen for many years and ive smoked pot since im 8 years old,
i dont know if any of this contributes to what im going through i dont know before i could control my anger but now
i cant! its getting worse im afraid i will take my own life i get so angry that i want to kill myself out of anger ive tried suicide before when i was 21 and they put me away… im a normal person im a general contracter but i am extremly violent if slightly provoked’ im so strict with my kids that they dont smoke or drink because they are afraid of me’ they dont even dare speak in a normal tone around the house lets say im in the living room & they are in the kitchen talking to my wife they all speak in a low tone so they wont bother me i feel like a dictater i would much rather prefer death than to continue hurting those around me that i love dearly both mentally & phisicaly i try so hard every single day its a struggle to maintain control of my angry temper’ i wasnt like that but ive been very stressed out lately, im a very good person at heart to a fault even im very diplomatic its to say i avoid problems not because im afraid’ but because im afraid i will kill someone & end up loosing my family & myself in the process PLEASE HELP ME! if theres any medicine thats been known to help calm me down please let me know’ ive hardly ever talked about this with my therapist
i distrust people in general very much
Jama says
Please contact your local mental health agency to set up some counseling for your depression and find out it they have anger management services available. Not sure what state you live in but try 211. In my state if you call 211 they will give you a list of agencies in your area. Good luck to you.
el cano says
i need HELP URGENTLY SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME! im a family man 43, with a wife 45, & 2 sons & 2 daughters all in their early 20’s and one 15, lately ive been very angry actually its been a couple of years now, its getting worse i am very afraid of myself because when i get angry i curse at my kids & wife an they do not deserve that no one does! i am torn up inside because they probably think i dont love them, the truth is they are my whole world’ and im tired of hurting them to a point were i will take my own life eventually… im scared ( I BEG ANYBODY TO HELP ME ! i also suffer from depression & i used lots of steroids as a teen for many years and ive smoked pot since im 8 years old,
i dont know if any of this contributes to what im going through i dont know before i could control my anger but now
i cant! its getting worse im afraid i will take my own life i get so angry that i want to kill myself out of anger ive tried suicide before when i was 21 and they put me away… im a normal person im a general contracter but i am extremly violent if slightly provoked’ im so strict with my kids that they dont smoke or drink because they are afraid of me’ they dont even dare speak in a normal tone around the house lets say im in the living room & they are in the kitchen talking to my wife they all speak in a low tone so they wont bother me i feel like a dictater i would much rather prefer death than to continue hurting those around me that i love dearly both mentally & phisicaly i try so hard every single day its a struggle to maintain control of my angry temper’ i wasnt like that but ive been very stressed out lately, im a very good person at heart to a fault even im very diplomatic its to say i avoid problems not because im afraid’ but because im afraid i will kill someone & end up loosing my family & myself in the process PLEASE HELP ME!
Gerry Vassar says
I am so sorry you are feeling so alone and out-of-control. Wrestling with violent emotions can cause a sense of desperation that can make us react rather than reach out, and it can be very difficult to know where to turn when you recognize you need to professional help and support.
I see you sent us two messages; one mentions that you are keeping your feelings from your therapist. So, it may be most helpful for you to begin speaking with someone from a local suicide hotline. Often, taking that first step will lead you to other resources that can provide the kind of response and support that is most helpful to you.
angelica abeyta says
I am looking for some solutions for my school about teen violence and I would like to get some help I am here at Smiley Middle School and there are is a lot of teen violence and I think that most of it should stop before it leads some one to their death bed and the bullies are digging their grave and soon they will have to lay in it and I think they should stop digging and start covering.>3♥
Gerry Vassar says
Thank you for both your comments. Bullying is indeed a widespread issue. We are soon releasing an ebook about bullying that may be helpful to you or those you know, including the professionals at your school.
Future blog topics will include many aspects about violence. Perhaps you may find some useful information in them. Our blog shares information on bullying and anger to help raise awareness, understanding and dialogue about these important issues that affect people around the world. Thank you for sharing your experiences and point of view.
angelica abeyta says
teen violence causes teen death, and other deaths or threats to living people or animals tenns need love at home and help because what gose on at home reflects on their atitude on others out side of home and parents may never know what gose on in their childrens head or what they think or plan to do and I’am a teen my self so I should know and you were once a child and tenn your selves so ask your self before you hit or yell at your children think and you should know what is right or wrong.>3♥
Krystal says
My name is Krystal I have two small children and a wonderful husband but i feel like my life is falling apart because of my anger problems and i need help but i have little money and no inserence and dont know who or where to turn i have been in and out of therphy sience i was 6 yrs old for my anger and nothing i do seems to help what can i do i want to save my family
Gerry Vassar says
Krystal, thank you for sharing your feelings and experiences about your anger. I am sorry to hear of your distress. It is so hard to feel out of control of our emotions. Often, finding the right professional assistance takes time. You mention you have had therapy in the past. Perhaps you may try again, then, taking that first step will lead you to other resources that can provide the kind of response and support that is most helpful to you. Be encouraged not to give up.
Future blog topics will include many aspects about violence. Perhaps you may find some useful information in them. Our blog shares information on important issues that affect people around the world to help raise awareness, and understanding.
aaron davis says
i really need help i need to get in a class because if not im going back to jail and i do not want to that. Plus im only 17 i need to stay in school in graduate like i suppose to do so if anybody reads this and has a number to a teen violence class let me no
Jama says
Aaron-Most Juvenile Probation departments can give you contact information for anger managements classes. There should be mental health organizations that also offer anger management classes too. I am not sure where you are from but in our area you can call 211 and they can give you agenices and phone number to contact. Good luck to you.
aaron davis says
I am looking for help for me about teen violence programs and I would like to get some help as soon as possible before they put me back in jail and i don’t want to go back to jail because im only 17 and i need to be in school so i can graduate
Gerry Vassar says
Aaron, thank you for sharing your feelings and experiences in both your comments regarding our “The Scary World of Anger and Violence” posts.
I am sorry to hear of your distress. It is so hard to feel out of control and desperate for answers. However, often, finding the right professional assistance takes time. Perhaps as you take that first step in finding some help in your vicinity, it will lead you to the resources that can provide the kind of response and support that is most helpful to you. Be encouraged not to give up.
Our blog shares information on important issues that affect people around the world to help raise awareness, and understanding. Future blog topics will include many aspects about violence. Perhaps you may find some useful information in them.
Jalesa stewart says
I have been told told I am bipolar,and it runs on my dads side of the family.Sometime when I get mad I lash out and say harsh things or may think of suicide and sometimes i ont know how to deal with it.
Gerry Vassar says
Jalesa, thank you for sharing your feelings and experiences in your comment regarding our “The Scary World of Anger and Violence” post.
I am sorry to hear of your distress. It is so hard to feel out of control and desperate for answers. However, it ise helpful not to try to go it alone. Often, finding the right professional assistance takes time. Perhaps as you take that first step in finding some help in your vicinity, it will lead you to the resources that can provide the kind of response and support that is most helpful to you. Be encouraged not to give up.
Our blog shares information on important issues that affect people around the world to help raise awareness, and understanding. Future blog topics will include many aspects about violence. Perhaps you may find some useful information in them.
Ghazal says
I really need help and I don`t know what 2 do because no one is helping me.I`m 19 years old and I`m very angry about everything in my life!it`s been a month that I began to get angry every day and I was not like this before.I was the calmest person in my friends and family!but now everything is ruined.I know the reason why I became like this.It`s because of my mother.she has depression illness.It`s almost 3 years sometimes she was ok but right now she`s not because her doctor went 2 another country and she`s having another one but not good as the first one!from a month ago until now she began to say harsh things to me even in front of my dad and even sometimes she begins to nag about something unreasonable about me and then she uses belt and punch into my head…but after that my father found out and still no one defend me!and thats when I began to think differently from before…I began to think about everything in negative way…and whenever something is not on the way that I want and even for small and not important things I become very angry and even my heart hurts from beating badly and too much beats…I`m even more angry about myself and I don`t have any confident in myself because of the things that my mother told me…one of the most hurtful thing that she told was”I`m always praying to god to kill u! and every time u leave the house I`m dreaming that u will never come back and go under truck or somethong and die”the moment she said these things she was really serious.
Gerry Vassar says
Dear Ghazal,
It sounds like you are overwhelmed with a lot of isolation, anger and legitimate fear. I am so sorry you are living in a place that feels so abusive. It is apparent that your Mom needs professional help and that you need to find a way to protect yourself from further abuse. I highly urge you to find someone you trust to talk to about this who can give you guidance and support. Perhaps a local church youth leader, a counselor in your high school or maybe a family friend that you trust. But you should not be handling this alone.
The kind of anger you are experiencing can be very destructive; yet, it sounds like you have legitimate reasons to be angry. It is too much for someone your age to handle by yourself. Please do find someone who you trust and who knows how to help you process all of this and ask for some time to talk to them. It will be a good beginning to the next steps you need to take to find a healthier life for yourself as you emerge into adulthood.
Thanks so much for writing.
Rico Brooks says
My name it Rico Brooks and i need help with my anger. I am a 26 year old father of 3 kids 1 boy and 2 girls and my wife of 5 years. Were are getting in to arrangement most of the time and when i get mad i say a lot of things to her that i don’t mean. I also some time throw thing and file like punching things to try and come down and I am driving my family away and i don’t know what to do. I know that for some of my anger it from my child hood and i really need help so i can pull my family back together. Can Some one please help?
Gerry Vassar says
Thanks so much for writing, Rico. As you have learned, anger can be very destructive. A professional counselor, or perhaps a pastor, whom you trust may help you discover the triggers for your anger and provide guidance to help you through episodes.
tiffany says
my name is tiffany im 15 i need help aloot! i am beggin for someone to help me i got a bad outragious attitude and need help for it for something bad happens
Gerry Vassar says
Tiffany, It sounds like you are overwhelmed. I highly urge you to find someone you trust to talk to about your feelings who can give you guidance and support. Perhaps a local church youth leader, a counselor in your high school or maybe a family friend that you trust to help you process all of this. I suggest you should not be handling this alone. It will be a good beginning to the next steps you need to take to find a healthier life for yourself as you emerge into adulthood.
Gerry Vassar says
Thank you for sharing your story, Ronald. Finding a solution to manage anger can begin a healing process and can restore relationships over time.
Travis blount says
I am happy for every single person on this site,i read with an open heart.I suggest praying to God for help and going to him about it because that is what helped me get through it all.I am at peace with the world and i love to treat all people with the respect they deserve.If you read your bible it will give you a good outlook on life and i promose you if you go into that book with an open heart it will change you forever.Jesus will help all who call out to his name.You might have doubts about God and who Jesus is but i highly suggest you fight for Jesus and not let your thoughts push in front.Thank you for your website
rjacoby says
Thank you, Travis, for sharing your thoughts.