I distinctly remember an encounter we had while we were at a conference with a young couple whose infant was in a stroller. These two young parents engaged our staff and began to talk about the struggles of parenting while the mother or mother-in-law approached us to chat and browse one of our parenting books we […]
I think one of the scariest moments for any of us is when we encounter rage. When dangerous moments occur on the highways we may say someone has “road rage.” However, I also think of scary instances in families when a parent, child, caregiver or outsider just “loses it!” Consequently, we witness a highly threatening individual out-of-control with rage. When such rage translates to […]
In my last post, we discussed some categories of angry responses to children (with accompanying phrases) when a parent is frustrated with their behavior. We also discussed how these phrases promoted blame, shame and negative messages in our children because of the absolute and extreme nature of these types of comments.
My two male children are now in their late- and mid-20’s and on their own. I am very proud of them both and have enjoyed my whole parenting experience. It is a good time of life in our relationship. And now when it is calm, my wife and I, who recently went through the loss of our dog, […]
We have been discussing many issues surrounding the phenomenon of violence in our society. We have also been looking at the connection that shame has to violence and aggression. Most violence and aggression stems from the emotion of anger. Often, we learn about anger in how we were parented.
In recent posts, we have been discussing how violence is connected to heavy doses of shame. We surfaced that having healthy respect for yourself and for those you influence is one way to reduce shame. Another antidote to shame is healthy self-esteem.
We have been discussing the powerful force of toxic shame and how it destructively impacts the lives of children and adults. We have learned through research that shame and violence are tightly linked. So, we can deduce as a society (and as families) that as we reduce shame, we will most probably realize a reduction in violence.
Most parents I know are trying really hard to raise their children in the best way they know how. Some parents have had a long legacy of shame in their past, and this legacy typically serves as a prime motivator which shows up in their parenting style–a parenting style that seems normal for them but which […]