We have been discussing anger, shame and violence. We have most recently been addressing how parents can prevent speaking a spiraling set of angry messages that would leave significant scars on the emotional health of their child. Yes, parents can express anger in a healthy way.
Remember our parents starting sentences with “you” when talking to us about something we were doing that annoyed them? Sometimes the words that followed “you” were full of blame, humiliation, intimidation, shame and control. So, how does a parent communicate effective disciplinary statements without causing long-term negative emotional consequences? The answer is: use an I-Message.
I know that it can be difficult and stressful to stay calm when your child is being uncooperative. It is also hard to visualize what calm actually looks like when you are in the middle of a challenging argument with your child. So, I thought I would write a post that uses a role-play in order to […]
Parents and children may have many difficult encounters where anger could escalate to aggression. One of the hardest moments to maintain parental self-control is when your child is acting out and you are being triggered into anger by his or her behavior or attitude.
I distinctly remember an encounter we had while we were at a conference with a young couple whose infant was in a stroller. These two young parents engaged our staff and began to talk about the struggles of parenting while the mother or mother-in-law approached us to chat and browse one of our parenting books we […]
I think one of the scariest moments for any of us is when we encounter rage. When dangerous moments occur on the highways we may say someone has “road rage.” However, I also think of scary instances in families when a parent, child, caregiver or outsider just “loses it!” Consequently, we witness a highly threatening individual out-of-control with rage. When such rage translates to […]
In my last post, we discussed some categories of angry responses to children (with accompanying phrases) when a parent is frustrated with their behavior. We also discussed how these phrases promoted blame, shame and negative messages in our children because of the absolute and extreme nature of these types of comments.
My two male children are now in their late- and mid-20’s and on their own. I am very proud of them both and have enjoyed my whole parenting experience. It is a good time of life in our relationship. And now when it is calm, my wife and I, who recently went through the loss of our dog, […]